Heavy Lies the Crown on the Head of the King

     I've been watching a Showtime special on the Tudors.  It's a four season production of unserpassing extravagance.  There are ten episodes in each of the seasons.  We start with King Henry and his first marriage to Katherine of Aragon of the Spanish realm.  Alas the queen fails to give birth to a son and the king trumps up reasons for an annulment based on Leviticus from the bible.  (whosoever shall marry the wife of his brother has sinned in the eyes of God and shall not bear offspring).  The king is married to his brother's wife (he died offstage...) and though he has born offspring, that offspring was daughter Mary--not the male heir he so desperately wants.    Right from the start we are shown the king's main purpose and desire is to father a son and damn any other consequences.  Treaties are made and broken with France and Spain when the king divines that those kingdoms do not support his desires.  I'm starting the third season now and much hijinks have ensued, and will continue to ensue...  Ann Boleyn has already lost her head over her inability to produce a male heir.  Next up to bat, Lady Jane.  In the wings are the future Queens Mary and Elizabeth; both Henry's daughters.  Cardinal Woolsey and Sir Thomas Moore have already struck out.  On deck is Thomas Cromwell.  Although he has batted well in the past, he has not faced the king's best stuff.  The English catholic lumpen proletariat are pursuing armed rebellion against the crown for his suppression of their faith and his promoting of this new fangled "Anglican Church" of which Henry is the head.

I, of course, was aware of all the players from this era of England's history (1530's).  But I had forgotten who did what to whom and why.  It's been very elucidating.  I wouldn't want to be at the court of King Henry.  You could easily displease his majesty and incur most painful results.  (the rack was featured in one episode).  Since the former wives of the king have fared so poorly, one wonders why any fair young maiden would want to be the next queen; unless you were damn sure you could produce a male offspring that had a passing resemblance to his royal self.  Since we know from history that there are four more wives yet to come to bat, I fear things will not go swimmingly for Queen Jane in future episodes.  Ah well, at least she had the Rolling Stones write a song about her...
                    A very blurry picture of Lady Jane

                                      Likewise Queen Katherine, the first Mrs. Henry VIII

A family portrait of Henry with his three children, Edward, Mary and Elizabeth all of whom ascended the throne with varying degrees and success and longevity.  To the right of Henry is his fool, no idea what he's doing in the picture.  It may be some kind of photo-bomb...

                                              Ann Boleyn before head was detached.

       I have since seen a few more episodes and as I feared Queen Jane struck out.  She did give birth to a son so that was the good news.  We'll see where that goes in future episodes.  The bad news:  She couldn't deliver the goods on her own so the "surgeons" who were attending the birth had to do a Caesarian section.  They showed the "doc" pulling out his scalpel then they cut away, as did the doc.  Curiously, the lovely and good Lady Jane nee Queen, did not survive having her belly and womb cut open.  Plus... no anesthetics in those days!  Truly, life could be nasty brutish and short.  I googleized the kings and queens of Jolly Ould England.  Starting with William the Conqueror in 1066 no king for the next two hundred years even made it to 65 which would have qualified him for medicare.  There were various reasons given for the early demise of the royalty;  arrow to the back; killed in battle; starved to death (in the Tower of London, no doubt).  One royal dude contracted dysentery from consuming peaches and wine---go figure...   My favorite was the guy who died from "consuming a surfeit of lampreys".  Is a "surfeit of lampreys" like a nosegay of flowers?  A murder of crows?  An exultation of larks?  Leave it to Wikipedia to put the "oy" in royal...
  

  L&K,  Mickey da Mayor